Sunday, June 19, 2016

Chasing the white rabbit.

Checking in.
And I have been talking about checking out. Still. I guess with some of the most important anchors from my last journey having just upped and left, the heart is adrift again. And dangerously, the mind sinks into the dark abyss again.

Still using the same mindless drifting metaphor, the tumbleweed moniker has become a self-fulfilling prophesy. My life purpose remains elusive,  and the time for action is dead at a quarter to. Maybe I need a shrink. Maybe I need a friend. Maybe I need a hero. Yet it seems like I need to don the armour myself and strap in my phasers to avoid disappointment from pseudo knights on white horses which most likely need saving themselves.

Still, I managed to fulfill one promise to the folks and took them to Bali with almost no planning. Like in all holidays of the past 3 years, my most memorable moment was next to the water, the Indian Ocean to be more precise. And like all oceans, it didn't disappoint in terms of the ferocity and power. It was particularly turbulent when we were there and the pull towards the waves and rocks was so strong, I could swear that I was lured by siren song.  I was only held back by the guarded stares of Mom and Dad which locked and pulled me back like a benevolent tractor beam.

I interrupt this baseless rambling to state with utter seriousness that if there ever was a Westeros, I would most likely be iron born. What is dead may never die.

How small we are. How insignificant with our ridiculous fretting.  what a waste of energy and intellect to have all this capacity and yet live small meaningless lives to eat, seek shelter, procreate (for most lucky ones anyway) and then die. On a rock that orbits the sun until it one day collapses into itself, scorch the earth and kill everything.
How stupidly futile.

And here I am wondering if the boss will yell at me tomorrow.
How stupidly futile.

Wednesday, June 01, 2016


Good news: You are in the air, baby
Bad news: You can fucking crash

I could kill for a cigarette. But its 17 bucks a pack. ROI very poor. I do have a white chocolate magnum sitting in the freezer - but some instances only nicotine would do. It is very very dangerous to be staying so close to a 711.

Today I had to help a subsidiary put up a pitch. Still working on the deck. Ok, I was a little hard on my poor unsuspecting colleagues but hey, I could do this in a couple of hours versus taking full days now. Wow, I actually know stuff. Awesome!

So I did this personality profile thing over the weekend and yeah, looks like my personality type is the rarest in the world. Omg is that why it's so hard to find a soul mate? Apparently I am a introverted diplomat. Is that also why I can't tell people to go to hell?  But that so does not match my resting bitch face, which really can fool you. And I am the type of person who writes and reads good. Booyah! In your face, Hemmingway.

On a totally different tangent - I was once told that we are all energy and we attract people with similar vibrations as ours. God, I must have been such an asshole. Okay maybe that is unfair. I know some very wonderful people so I guess if I am good, I am very very good. If I am bad, I am horrid. So much for Sunday's child is full of grace.

So anyway, turbulence.  Word of the past two days.
People hurt me. I hurt people. I hurt me. People hurt. You need suffering to understand joy. You need darkness to understand light. You need loss to understand fulfillment. It's a crap deal.

Haiya, Magnum pun Magnum lah.