Sunday, February 28, 2016

Fuck this. No really.

So its been one helluva crappy week.

I have been OD-ing on everything that cannot possibly be good for me.  Which of course includes work.

There is a sudden shift in the dynamics of my universe, having another satellite joining my orbit.  I underestimated how the gravity of another spinning rock can totally shift my own balance. In equal, no - more dramatically,  is news of the imminent loss of my north star.

Admittedly I didn't realise how little it would need to take me back to periods of self doubt, longing and despair. And it still astounds me the cruelty people can inflict on each other.
Does truth really set you free?  Only if there was an absence of it in the first place.

But one good thing is that with new people coming into my life, I am able to let some go. It was liberating but on the other hand, it only seems like musical chairs. Am I manifesting this drama? Do I need to send another person to therapy?  Do I give up and start collecting cat names?  

Still, are these experiences and persons, mirrors ? Am I suppose to clear more experiences? I thought I had a grip of all this shit. Especially after Janda Baik. And yet I can see Christie grinning going - "it's not over".


I know. There are always challenges and I need to meditate and go back to at least attempting to live clean. I am a bit miffed that I let myself lose that momentum. But I hope all is not lost.

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