Tablets

Outside, it was refreshingly tranquil - a rarity in Penang especially at this time of the year. The interior remained unchanged, perhaps not as dark as I remember it, but still full of dead shadows. Ashes drifting in the air, smoke silently snaking up to the ceiling from the numerous urns of a hundred joss sticks.

I knew instinctively where to look for my great grandmothers’ tablet. Lined from the ceiling down, rows upon rows of photos of the dearly departed can be a bit daunting. Old people in old photographs never smile. I don’t know if it is a good thing in this circumstance. I don’t know what would freak me out more, a frowning mug shot or a grinning façade.

I have been making pilgrimages to this memorial hall since I was a kid. Almost always with grandmother.

Following the typical routine, the rice and the home-cooked food would be laid out in from the tiffin-carrier, the tiny cups of Chinese wine lined in a row and fresh mandarin oranges, set in threes upon red plastic plates with faded gold borders. Joss sticks and prayers are then offered. And as always, I would watch in fascination as my mother, after a silent respectful invitation to the matriarchs to partake the offerings, throw a pair of 50 cent coins on the floor.

Either heads or both tails or heads and tails - I forget but one of those combinations would indicate whether the spirits have returned to accept the food offerings. Then we wait. Wait for them to makan finish la. Another throw of coins would indicate whether they are done. If they are, then its time to pack up and go. If not, one will have to wait. Then ask again.

My mother is always given the honour of doing the coin tossing simply because she was my great grandmother’s favourite. Sure, it is all about the science of probabilities you say. Yet time and time again, when another relative takes over the asking, we ended up having to wait almost forever for the madams to be done with lunch. Go figure.

And it was on one of these waiting sessions that it occurred to me how little I knew about my roots. So I did some snooping.