Monday, September 12, 2016


Loneliness is quiet.
Loneliness is vast.

Its a void that expands and floods the spaces of the mind and the crevices of the heart. Invisible, yet palpable. Its a juxtaposition where absence causes pain.  

As pleasure, love, joy gives definition to their lack thereof. loneliness springs from pining of fulfillment that once was.  Which is presumably why its so damn painful, this mourning for ghosts of contentment past.

Anthony Robbins has a a very simple way of describing unhappiness. It is a state when our situation (or whatever specific aspect in our lives that is causing us pain),  does not line up with the blueprint in our heads of what the situation SHOULD be.  If in our minds, we have defined bliss to be a life living in a perfect house in a perfect neighborhood with perfect kids and a perfect dog, while holding down that perfect job with the best boss in an excellent organisation .. the moment life laughs at your silly plans and hands you a lemon instead, THAT is where pain happens.

It is not uncommon to want our social lives to be filled with the right people who are present and who gives unconditional love the way we want it, and is happy to go grab a pizza/watch a movie/share an orange mocha frappachino - to make us feel safe, comforted, wanted and relevant. We want someone to miss us when we are away, to worry when we don't ring back, to bring us chicken soup when we are under the weather and to allow us to go through the very same motions with them.

So when I said earlier that loneliness is by definition absence - it does not only encompass being given another's time and attention, but also having someone to give ourselves to.

As human beings, we are blessed to have so much capacity to dispense compassion and we have unlimited ability to receive. Yet our tragedy is that we can only instinctively value another's affection when it comes in the same forms we ourselves dispense to the world. As we well-meaningly  beam out our being through red heart-shaped holes, we cannot process it when someone else offers themselves in square pegs. As the spectrum spans from being friendzoned to emotional abuse, its mind boggling that so many complications exist to the simple request - "love me, please?"

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