Sunday, July 17, 2005

Revisiting the Perennial Question

I remember now why I have left online chatting.

Over the weekend I had the misfortune of chatting with a married man who was out looking for a good time behind his wife’s back.

Married for 10 years with three beautiful kids, he loves his family and will stand by them no matter what. Yet, he sees nothing wrong in betraying his wife’s trust as long as she does not know about it. His rationale is that he only makes love to his wife but has sex with other women, which is like a hobby, not unlike tennis. Yet he makes it clear that no, he does not screw around, it’s just sex. And oh, he adds that he only chooses women that are better than his wife or else there would be no justification.

How can I relate to you how badly that conversation riled me up. And on so many different levels too. Of course I knew that I had a better chance of convincing Al-Qaeda to go pacifist than for him to understand why I was flaming him.

But I was so disheartened at the end. So if a man is meant to be polygamous and a woman monogamous, my question is: So how?

The beau cautioned me not to generalize. Of course he refused to discuss it knowing full well the dangers of being within a stabable distance from me. Yet he did mention something before falling asleep and ending all chances of my sharp comeback. He muttered that for every man that does the unspeakable, there is a woman who does the same. And that our lives are very short.

And I was like, what the hell does that mean?

I was told by a colleague that the only thing that has kept him from straying is his faith. So fear of eternal damnation is stronger than his love for his wife, in other words. I am told that I am not to judge people, but how else would you approach it? If you were in my shoes, could you do it?

Call me jaded but I wonder what is the value of the institution of marriage? With so many clueless wives and not to mention a permissive society, how far can you trust your partner? Or do we live hedonistic lives knowing that we will die tomorrow?

Honestly, I have no answers. I was so close to marriage once. Now I turn my back on wedding shows and run away from bridal fairs. I have even refused a ring. I harbour no fantasies of flowing champagne and floral bouquets. It is so easy to be taken for granted after the romance shifts out and familiarity moves in.

So how?

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