Teddy tales and undercover underwire

The thing about advertising your blog to your friends is that you can't really dish out the juicest of revelations like the state of your sex life or blaphemious questions about God or whether you really think your lesbian pal would actually fancy you, without your audience, (who currently trust you with their kids) wondering if you are a perv, an terrorist or just plain desperate.

Well whatever, today I want to discuss lingerie shopping. I remember a time when lingerie shopping equated tiny lace and ribbons for playful flaunting, as oppose to today's frantic search for fitting corsets to redistribute lumpy tissues in an all bid to coax out a feeble silhouette - all in fashionable flesh colours too please.

As much as I would love to revive the shopping sprees for satin pajamas and knickers of William Morris prints, there have been times when I have left the lingerie stores pratically in tears.

For example, nothing quite spoils a shopping experience like when a tall, slim and attractive woman walks in and picks the exact same number you're holding in your hand. Only two size smaller. You know what's worse? When her drop dead handsome and devoted boyfriend walks in with her. This happened in La Senza KLCC.

Next example:
Venue: Marks and Sparks-Birmingham.
I was laughed at by the sales lady when I asked for a mimimizer for my udders. Her Famous quote, "We don't have Minimizers for THAT small, love"
Next venue: Jaya Jusco, MidValley Kuala Lumpur. I was just looking for a normal bra. Says Audrey International salesgirl in her booming voice that carries right to the Shoe Department,"No size! We langsung don't have so big size. Yours not normal!" I wanted bruise her but I did the noble thing and pitied her instead. I may not be normal but she is short, stupid and ugly.

Example 3:
As I approach the Triumph counter with my Mom, the shopping assistance turned to me and queried, "Sister, you want girdle? Can hide all your fat one!"

Sob, sob, sob.

I am considering buying all my underwear online.