So ok. I guess we can deduce that I have officially bottomed out, age 36.
Although in all frankness I feel 45. When I do hit 45 i would most likely think this is all rather silly but that's a far away still. It is a sobering thought to wonder if I will even make 45. Touch wood.
"Be who you were 10 years ago" somebody said to me.
Was it bravado or foolishness that set me on my journey across the seas and into time. Oh those were the best years of my life. To be young and not know any better. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. When one did not need the glasses, for everthing was already rose tinted.
Its hard to be idealistic when one then knows better. When the big bad wolves and the psyco axe murderers come for you and pounce when you are not looking. And the rosy hues give in to gun metal grey.
And as a coping mechanism, one stays cocooned in a tiny universe where the predictable is safe. Until of course the gossamer tears and the realities of the world start pouring in. And ones universe implodes with a sudden plop.
It is one thing to be driven by fear in life. Another by regret. I need to purchase a bottle of courage and a vial of recklessness seeing that I have nothing left to lose.