Out of the blue, today I had a vivid WHAT IF moment (Sharon, I have totally stolen this term from you).
In college I actually entertained the notion of studying pharmacology and developing a career in it. Sure the lab coat is cool but wearing safety goggles over glasses instantaneously turns anyone into a Class A dork. Not that I minded that of course. But regardless I had major issues with benzene rings in my youth, I don't quite know why I could not do well in Advanced Chemistry.
Advanced Physics I anticipated because I really (REALLY) can't bring myself to care if two objects collide - be it one stationary and one moving at say a speed of 15 m/s on an inclined plane angled at oh, 30 degrees maybe.
Or what if I did take that scholarship that Maine offered and majored in Political Science, minoring in Economics. Or if I decided to stay in London instead of coming home. And lets not talk of relationships. Potential fairy tales to doomed tragedies. You and I, we have brushed against them all. People, places and the hand of destiny.
2 comments:
shit! now i'm rethinking everything. I always lived by this line i got from Billy Corgan in a Smashing Pumpkins' song (yes..very wise knowing he probably wrote it being high on some really good substance and was meant to be nonsensical). It goes 'Your life is not your own'. To me it made alot of sense, that everything we do affects everyone and everything, a butterfly effect of some sort. So i started living with people in mind... how i compromised my personal preference and selfishness for a bigger and more thorough benefit for everyone i felt important to me.
Now i'm thinking wether or not it's all worth it. That maybe my own happiness should matter most. That at the end of the day, all we have is ourselves.
I guess the only people we should feel in debt to is our folks (or if you're married...your spouse and your kids).
I'm not too sure where i'm going with this. This can't be a mid-life crisis can it? cause i'm not even half way yet!
damnit!
Rockstars know what they are talking about. I swear Jack White still sings my life story. Which just about tells you what a weird life I wanna lead. But I digress.
Indeed, our lives are not our own. If I had my way,I would be blogging this from Kathmandu where I would most likely rearing goats and running a B&B to supplement my meager income, eking a living with the love of my life.
Yet there are all these other people and responsibilities.
On one hand its true that we are the ones in control of our happiness. I tell myself that if I am not gonna make myself happy, nobody else will.
But then could I be happy, letting the people I care about down?
Catch 22
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