The one thing I am grateful for in my three week work-free break is the luxury of just being still. I was literally fraying at the edges. Not doing anything sounds awfully slothful but it is really far from it. And I am always happy to spend time alone.
I am an anti-social git.
This break has given me time to contemplate, reassess and just heal from the daily grind. Revisiting thoughts that have been shoved on the backburner, getting odds and ends organized, doing a little soul searching and spending time with those important to me.
I am starting to sound like Oprah, aren't I?
Of course I am still confused like hell as to what I want in life and conflicting wants and needs make future trajectories less easy to plot. I suppose trying to achieve order in this chaotic world is akin to making a tuna sandwich while riding a rollercoaster.
I can't help it. I like to keep things in little neat compartments. Yeah, as Jo correctly pointed out, I am a Monica. (from Friends. Gosh that was long ago, innit?)
However being alone does have its challenges. I now find it a bit intimidating stepping out of my home alone. The unpleasant cacophony and uninvited gazes rudely imposed upon me, I feel violated! Strange sensation that. When cold hard reality embraces me again, I feel the serenity I worked so hard for, shatter into a million icy shards.
I suppose it is easy to find peace in the quiet refuge of home but the main quest is to find sanity in the outside world and not get swept by the maddening tide.